It would have made a dreadfully ugly child; but it makes rather a handsome pig...

Hi everyone, it's me again. Did you miss me? Of course you didn't, there really isn't a you but I'll pretend for my ego that there is. I'm locked away in the library supposedly working on a seven page paper about a topic that, let's face it, I couldn't care less about. So of course here I am instead. I really wish I wasn't this easy distracted but then I suppose that's part of taking classes you don't care about at university. But really who cares about essays and classes? Obviously I've turned the apathy button on. I've got something much more interesting to think about: men. Okay, so maybe men aren't all that interesting. Would you care more if I told you that when I say men I mean lovers? I've been thinking about lovers a lot lately. I haven't had a lot in my life (and even if I did, do you think I'd tell you?) but I have had my fair share of romantic (and not so romantic) encounters. All of these encounters were with very different people some of them men, some of them women, some good, some bad, some completely regrettable, and some wonderful. This is what I've come to realize about lovers: in one's life there are certain kinds of lovers one absolutely must experience. And, since I'm such a lovely person (and I absolutely do not want to write this essay) I'll share these lovers with you. And yes, these are generalizations and I do know that not every guy who fits into these categories will be the way I've experienced them. Stop being such a downer. If you want accurate portrayals of life, lovers, and all that other good stuff stop reading a blog on the internet and just go out and live your own life.

1. The sweet, nerdy, funny, sort of shy but completely adorable guy: This guy is so wonderful because he's just so kind. He'll hug you when you're feeling down and he'll always make you laugh. He's shy but once he opens up to you you'll be completely let in. He won't hold back anything, including how he feels about you. He's nervous, cautious. He doesn't know what moves he's allowed to make and this is actually wonderful. He'll ask for your permission to touch you, he'll never assume that just because he was allowed to do something once that it is now his right and privilege to do it over and over again. In my experience he's also a great kisser but this can't be guaranteed. Maybe you'll have to teach him how to do something. Maybe he'll already know how to do it on his own. The best thing about him though is that he's willing to try. He's not so full of himself, of how great he is, that he's unwilling to let you take the lead. And when it's all over he'll totally sit with you on the couch and watch that stupid movie that always makes you laugh (or that stupid movie that always makes him laugh...or that stupid movie that always makes you both laugh).

2. The passionate, all about your ass/tits/hips/whatever body part of yours you're most obsessed with, "I want you right here, right now, and damn the consequences" guy: He's sexy. That's the main draw of this guy. He's sexy and he thinks you're sexy too. And yes, you can't base a relationship off looks alone but you can definitely base an affair on that. Maybe somewhere down the line you'll find out this guy has a personality but we're not talking about boyfriend material here, we're talking about sex. And goodness is this guy ever good at sex. He's basically walking sex (yes, women can objectify too...it's not just a thing for boys anymore) and he wants you all the time. He'll make you feel amazing, he'll tell you you're beautiful, he'll touch you in ways you didn't know you could be touched. In the elevator, in the car, in the fucking broom closet if he wants you he'll let you know. He's up for anything. He's ready for you when you want him. He's sort of the perfect booty call and though it may be un-feminist of me to turn people into nothing but a quick lay let's face it, sometimes a quick lay is nice. No strings attached can be wonderful. When you can abandon everything about your life and just fall right into fucking it can feel so nice. And there's never the awkwardness of having to go out on a date.

3. The strung out, trippy, hippy guy: Okay, maybe a drug addict isn't a practical consideration for everyone. You really need to be a part of exactly the right subculture for this guy otherwise you'll just fight all the time about how he needs to put down the bong and get a real job. But since I spent a good deal of time being part of just exactly the right subculture I can tell you that if you know this guy you should get with him. He's laid back and he'll share his stash with you. He'll pay for your pie when you've got the munchies and he'll probably know what to do when you have a bad trip. But most importantly this guy is down for the kink. His mind has been opened enough that he's interested in something fun and maybe just outside the bounds of "normal" sex. He's fun. Of course, he's a problem if you're a recovering addict and he's not so stay away from him unless you're looking to get back into that shit.

4. The guy you'd like to be with for...forever: Yeah, I went there. Eventually everyone finds that guy they want to be with forever (unless he's a girl which pretty much goes for all of these guys because yes, all of these guys exist in female form). Maybe it doesn't last for forever but while you're in it and it feels so right this guy is everything you need. There's not much more I can say. All the lovers in the world don't really compare to the guy you can love. Who knows? Maybe he's one of the three guys I mentioned up there. Maybe he's one of the many different kinds of lovers a girl can have in her life. But I encourage everyone to fall in love because really that makes it all feel so much nicer. It's comforting to have a partner in sex and in, well, life.

So that's how I see it. Go forth all you hypothetical people reading this blog. Go out there and have some fun, have some sex, and maybe even fall in love. Go live your life. As for me? I'm going to go out there and finish this horrible essay.

-The Dormouse

The adventures first...explanations take such a dreadful time.

Hey, it's me, Dormouse in jolly ol' England. It's beautiful here. Getting here was absolute murder but now I'm in London and it's all fabulous. I've made friends (*shock*) and we've been wandering around the city as much as we possibly could. And so now, not that you care, I will recount what has happened in the past few days. Sit back, relax, and enjoy pretending you were as cool as me.

Day 1: After traveling 20 hours on planes from Honolulu to Heathrow I stepped off the plane and into the hottest and most uncomfortable airport I think i have ever experienced. It was disgusting. I thought I was melting. My stomach was tied up in absolute knots because I was irrationally terrified that they would not allow me into the country. The immigration officer asked too many questions but he let me in. Then it was a long trek to find the University representative who would lead me to the coach and take me to the school. Made it there in one piece (just in case anyone wasn't certain) and met up with my friend. The first day wasn't particularly eventful. We met a girl from Austria, a guy and a girl from France, and a hipster from Virginia. Everyone went into town to a pub including a bunch of kids from Jersey. They were embarrassing. They fist pumped. We pretended they were from a different country.

Day 2: Another fairly uneventful day. Registered for classes, got my student ID, pretty basic stuff. Went to Asda which is basically British WalMart. Bought Capri-Sun. Was amazed when it tasted better than in the states. Figured out it was because they use sugar here instead of corn syrup. Fun times all around. Then my friend who came to England with me decided she could no longer remain in the country for health reasons and left me. That was upsetting. Incredibly upsetting. I'm actually still upset about it.

Day 3: Now friendless, I wandered about looking for someone to take me in. Found quite a few people actually. Went into Central London with all the other students here. Took far too many photos. Had a blast. Rode the London Eye. The view is absolutely spectacular from way up there. I got some amazing photos of London. Ended up staying in the city with a bunch of other girls to grab dinner. I ended up getting crepes with another girl. They were delicious. I had dessert for dinner because the savory crepes did not appeal to me. Overall it was a very exciting night.

Day 4: Went to Hampstead and Camden with all the other students. Saw Boy George's house in Hampstead. Saw a bunch of houses which were once former residences of famous authors, painters, and other various artists. Hampstead was beautiful. Camden was crazy. It's full of hipsters and amazing shops. I think I died and went to heaven while I was there it was that fantastic. I had some awesome Indian food with two of my other friends. We wandered around the shops and I even bought a pretty little amethyst necklace. It was, simply put, a marvelous afternoon. We got back early and I was so exhausted I managed to get some sleep.

Day 5: Happy fourth! I ended up going to the Freud Museum, Abbey Road, Baker Street, and then back to Camden. It was pretty awesome. I got my photo running across the road and with a giant statue of Sherlock Holmes. It was such an eventful day. There was a little cafe in Hampstead, where we started our morning, and they had the most amazing pain au chocolat I think I have ever had. I want to go back there as soon as possible.

Wandering around London has been fun thus far. Who knows where the days will take me next? Today we're heading over to the Tower of London. It should be a fun time for all involved. Hope everyone else's lives are as amazing as mine is right now. I feel so excited and free and light. It feels good to be able to feel this way. Until next time!

-The Dormouse

You're late for tea

Figs are beautiful little fruits. And they will be in season soon. And they will be at Whole Foods. And I will be buying them and wrapping them in prosciutto and stuffing them with goat cheese, balsamic vinegar, and paprika. Hopefully they will be beautiful little fruits wrapped in meat which my friends will enjoy. That is the hopeful moment of the day.

My computer has been fixed and it is working. I am quite happy with that. They replaced all the broken bits around the edges which is nice because now it looks prettier. I am taking pleasure in small victories because otherwise I will spend my month here moping which no one wants at all. I am reading a lovely novel about a nerdy girl who is in love and who is experiencing a terrible summer. Quite funny really. It will keep me quite entertained for the next few days at work. Work unfortunately has gotten no better.

I would like it if someone would text me while I am drunk and remind me not to fold other people's laundry. Not all of my friends are as good natured as S. when I berate them for folding their laundry incorrectly.

-The Dormouse

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense

Today at work someone thanked me for taking a picture of her and her husband and I almost cried. People at work can be so rude that it's tear worthy when someone thanks you for taking five seconds out of your day to take a picture of her and her husband. Now, isn't that upsetting? I wish someone had told me when I took my job that in the eyes of the customers I had sacrificed my right to be treated like a human being. Oh well, mustn't complain too much Dormouse. At least you have a job. And your co-workers are nice. And every so often you'll run into some customers who are really and genuinely nice to you. Take pleasure in the little things or you'll lose your mind.

In other news: I wish they hadn't called it the iPad. And I wish they would stop saying "iPad" over and over again in the commercials. It sounds silly. Knock it off Apple. iTab would've been a better choice but I guess you didn't think to ask me for a name when you were designing the stupidly named tablet. That was silly of you Steve Jobs. Very silly.

-The Dormouse

Now, I give you fair warning, either you or your head must be off

I would like to be a mother. I enjoy mothering. Not that I would ever tell my boys back at school but I love to mother them. I love to bake them birthday cakes from scratch and make a fuss of them getting a year older. I like to make them dinner and force them all to sit down at the table and eat together. I like to do their laundry and fold their laundry and make their beds. Goddess, I miss being able to scream full names when they've got their fingers in the cupcake batter or hold their heads in my lap and pet their hair and tell them what to do with their lives.

I guess I've always mothered. I've got children in all of my homes. Children but no partners and isn't that strange? I don't think I'd like to do it alone when the children I have are finally and truly my own. But for now it's nice. And they like it. Or at least they pretend to. I'd never admit it to them, I'd never want them to know that I secretly love it when they call me mom or when they bring me their pants and their problems to mend. I'm going to miss my babies when I leave them. I won't have children anymore for a long time when school is over and I'm forced to let them go into the world. of course, they don't need me. They're all grown boys; they're all perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. But I think they know I need to be their mom. I think they know it keeps me centered, keeps me balanced.

I never used to think of myself as the mothering type but now I find I love it. I love children, not just my children but children in general. I love to take care of others. Now that's new Dormouse, since when have you liked to take care of others? I have no idea. I didn't always like this. Maybe I'm growing up? Maybe not. Maybe it's always been in me waiting to come out. It's new and it's fragile and it's scary but I like it. I like this me who wants babies, who wants to be loving, who wants to be caring. She's a lovely person. I hope she can stay around.

-The Dormouse

Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.

Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

- "He  Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven" by W.B. Yeats

So, W.B. Yeats writes some amazing poetry. I think he might be my favorite. Or possibly just one of my favorites. I think that one's dreams is the best one could possibly offer someone else. I guess that's sort of the point. Oh look at me being a literature major even in my time off.

Being home is still difficult. Dad is sick, mom is worried, and the family is barely functioning as usual. I am still missing my babies at school and it's making me sick with how much I can feel the lack of their presence. Oh well. C'mon Dormouse, just buck up and deal with it.

-The Dormouse

Was I the same when I got up this morning?

So here I am. Back home. It's warm, it's sticky, and I'm done with it. Having to be home and watch my dad wander around the house looking ill. He's so thin and so tired. It's too hard for me. Work starts tomorrow. At least work will get me out of the house. I will refrain from complaining about my job via internet because I don't want to lose it.

So now what? I'm home and school is over until August and I've got to figure out how to live thousands of miles away from my friends. This is always the hardest time of year. I always want to be anywhere but here. Of course, this is the only option I've got. Just need to keep thinking to myself I'm only here for a month. Only one month and then off to England.

But here I am, in the middle of nowhere, waiting for my trip to England to arrive. Meanwhile I miss my boyfriend, I miss my girlfriends, I miss my S. (I don't even know what else to call him at this point), I miss New York and the people I can tell all my secrets to. Because that's been the most upsetting thing since I've been back. I'm bursting with secrets and there's no one to tell them to. I want to burst with everything I've done at school, with how fabulous and conflicted and confused and wonderful I feel. So who wants to know what I'm about to explode with?

I want to be in the world, not out here in the middle of nowhere. There's so much out there and so little here. I'm bored and lonely and it's only been a few days. Goddess please let the summer go by quickly. If it doesn't I think I'll simply melt. How melodramatic of you Dormouse, just buck up and deal with it. Figure out how to exist here or you're going to lose it.

-The Dormouse