The last few days have been filled with music. A friend of mine has been offering me new bands, new songs, and something to save me from the sad indie music I've been surrounding myself with for the past few months. A lot of pop punk, some of it much more punk than pop and some more pop than punk, and the kind of music where you can shut the door and dance around in your underwear. (Not that I do that...okay, sometimes I do.) I can lose myself in new music and it doesn't hurt as much that I've been betrayed by another lover.
Not that I'm hurting, I don't think I cared enough about him to let him hurt me, but I am angry. I'm angry that I gave him the permission to treat me badly, that I sacrificed in some tiny way my self-respect in exchange for a good kisser who was a bad fuck, that I allowed him to call me a slut, tell his friends that I'm easy, and laugh at me behind my back. I let him behave towards me as though I am not even human and I gave him trust he didn't deserve. So I'm angry with myself and I'm angry with him. But now I have all this glorious music to dance to and to cry to and perhaps when a new lover comes along I'll have new music to make love to. I take pleasure in the simple things life has to offer me because in the end it's the simple things that you're left with. If you need me tonight I'll be dancing to The Wonder Years and trying to let go of all the heat of anger that built up inside me.
-The Dormouse
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