In the end she grew up of her own free will a day quicker than the other girls...

Dual post tonight. Part fat girl rant part personal bit. We might get a little feminist up in here. You know you love it.

So today I'm at Barnes and Noble browsing novels. I went in to buy a specific novel (The Magician King by Lev Grossman, which I found and bought in case you were wondering, along with a copy of the complete novels of Jane Austen because it was only $25) but ended up wandering around teen fiction for a bit and of course I found something there to make me mad. It's a novel called Life in the Fat Lane. You can check here for a plot synopsis and some really scathing reviews. If you don't want to click my helpfully provided link then I'll sum up what I got from the back of the book (let's be honest here: I was in the bookstore looking for something else, I didn't pause to read an entire book that had already pissed me off in a few short paragraphs on the back cover). Lara (Laura? I can't remember) is a beautiful girl and everybody wants to be her. Then she gets fat for no fucking reason. Now everyone hates her and she hates herself (she also apparently hates other fat people even more than she did before according to the internet reviewers). There are only two ways I can see this ending: Lara loses the weight and is incredibly relieved to never have to live as an ugly fat girl again OR Lara doesn't lose the weight but learns an all-important Fat Girl Life Lesson. By this point I'm sure you realize I don't agree with either of these conclusions. Both are detrimental and I think they're bad for the same reason. Both conclusions treat life as a fat girl as a learning opportunity. Either you learn to appreciate what you had (your "perfect" skinny body) or you learn that Fat Girl Life Lesson.

As a fat girl I have to say I'm fucking insulted. My life is not your FUCKING LEARNING OPPORTUNITY! I don't have the answers to life because people weren't nice to me because I'm fat. One day in my body probably will teach you a lot of lessons. You'll learn how to make kickass indie playlists, you'll learn how not to punch your heterosexist, racist, sizeist, grandmother in the face every time she opens her mouth, you'll probably learn how to recycle a ridiculous amount of industrial sized printer cartridges, you might even learn how to make the best pot of mac and cheese you've ever experienced in your entire life. Yes, these are all really cool things to know (especially the mac cheese thing. I'm pretty impressed with myself on that one). You know what they're not? They're not all important life lessons that will change your personality and the way you view the world (okay, dealing with my grandmother might do all those things but that's something unique to me; I do not share the old bitch with all the fat girls in all the world). I resent the idea that my life as a fat girl is so fucking abnormal, so fucking out there, that simply being me will teach some other lady all the important things she needs to know about life, the universe, and everything. Let me tell you the extra 60 pounds I'm packing did not come with an instruction manual on how to live my life and be a better person. Stop making books and TV shows and films where skinny girls learn about life through becoming fat. I am just as lost as the next person. My excess weight does not make me any more capable than anyone else and it just pisses me off when being a fat girl becomes this mystical magical thing that you learn from and then you get to transform into the beautiful princess. I'm already the fucking beautiful princess and fuck you if you can't figure it out.

In other news, the other night I said the following sentence to a friend of mine: I love the awful way he makes me feel so good. I am baffled by my own self because I know the sentence is true. There's a guy who makes me feel so amazingly lovely while simultaneously making me feel so dirty deep inside. It's been bothering me. I know I'm being used. I know I'm using him. It's a strange tug-of-war and even though we're both winning I get the feeling we're both losing too. Anyway, that's just a random middle of the night thought. My mind is wandering to all these strange places right now. Time to step back, look at myself in the mirror, and reaffirm how fucking fabulous I am. Maybe you all should do it too. We can always use a little reminder of our own greatness now and again. So, whoever you are, you're beautiful, you're wonderful, you're smart, but don't let me sit here and tell you this. Go tell it to yourself.

-The Dormouse