So here we are again. The semester draws to a close and I fall apart a little and then a little more. These classes, their demands, they take too much from me. It is freezing outside but I'll stand there with my cigarette and smoke until I can't feel my fingers because it makes me calm. He attempted to introduce me to his friend today. I froze. I stared like a deer trapped in headlights and then muttered something about having to go to the library. That wasn't a lie of course, I did have to go to the library. But mostly I just didn't want to be forced to speak to someone new. I never want that. Goddess help me if he ever does manage to trap his fiancée and me in the same place. I'll probably throw up on her. That will not make her like me any more. And it will be mortifying.
I have decided I would like another tattoo. I don't know where to put it. A quote from a Dylan Thomas poem. It's a lovely quote. "Oh as I was young and easy in the mercy of his means/Time held me green and dying/Though I sang in my chains like the sea." But where to put it? I do really need some feedback on this. Should there be a picture with it? Should it go on my rib cage? I'd like to figure this out so I can get it done when I get home.
Home is coming soon. Home is awful. I do not relish the thought of being there. But I do miss my baby and I miss my ladies. And perhaps I miss some other people too. Perhaps this one last Christmas will be okay? Until we get there I guess we won't know. I do so hope I can find a way to make things feel exciting and not dreadful. If for no other reason than because it's what my Mother deserves from me. It is after all the last Christmas I will spend at home with her for a very long time.
-The Dormouse
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