Near the end of Girl, Interrupted Brittney Murphy's character hangs herself. She chops up her wrists and then strings herself up. There is a close up on her hand and it's got blood all over it. I mention this because I watched that film recently. Just last night in fact. It was perhaps not the best choice to make. I have been having what one might call a terrible week you see. I have been accused of being a homewrecker. I have been called a slut. I haven't been sleeping. Or eating. I got called a crazy person. And then I got told I'm not crazy enough to be worth anyone's time. I have had essays and presentations and discussion questions and I haven't had a moment to sit by myself and think. So instead I got wasted. A helpful hint for you my dear readers: chips are not a meal replacement and they certainly won't fill your stomach up enough to make it okay to go out drinking.
So here I was, out drinking with my girlfriend and having a pretty good time. We're joking around and dancing and having a good time. That moment should have lasted but of course someone had to ruin it. Enter Big Mouth. She's out partying with us and she decides now, when we're having fun and smiling and laughing, is the appropriate time to bring up the most awful man that we know. She just wants to talk about him and talk about him and all I want is for her to shut up. I was having a good time. I had forgotten he called me a slut. I had forgotten he deemed me unworthy of life. But Big Mouth won't be quiet. She's insisting upon him as the main topic of conversation. Needless to say she ruined my night.
I need to find a better way to deal. I've decided to start seeing someone, professionally I mean. It didn't work out in the past but I think it could work this time. Just need to find someone new, someone who is professional and won't judge me and won't tell my secrets to her other patients. I need to do something because what I've been doing clearly isn't working.
-The Dormouse
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