Lately I find I have been allowing other people to make my life decisions for me. I sit around and let them tell me what is good for me, what isn't, and especially which people I should be allowed to keep in my life. So I think I'm going to stand up for myself once and for all and you my (slightly less hypothetical) fans will sit powerless to stop me.
So here's the thing, I'm a grown woman. Certainly I make stupid choices and obviously I sometimes overreact to things. But as a woman who is recognized both socially and legally as an adult I am allowed to make these stupid choices. I am allowed to get drunk on Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, or any other night of the week. The law says I can do that as long as I don't vomit all over the street or steal a car. I am allowed to do basically whatever I want so long as it's not completely against the law. Being friends with a man who is engaged? Not actually illegal. Talking on a relatively regular basis about things going on in our lives? Still not illegal. Even having a thing for the aforementioned man who is engaged? NOT ILLEGAL! So why, I ask you, is everyone I know trying to convince me that I have done something wholly wrong and unforgivable? I've made a friend, a friend who is funny and charming and intellectually stimulating. And yes, he is also pretentious, outspoken, and sometimes odd. And he's engaged. And I'm dating someone else. Somehow this makes it impossible for us to be friends.
Only, I really can't understand exactly what is so wrong with our friendship. We're not sleeping together. We're not going out on secret dates (although those are fun). We're not even seeing each other outside of class. So what have I done wrong here? Why am I being shamed by my friends? Why am I being told I'm essentially the other woman? Clearly I am not. In order to be the other woman I would need to first be doing something other than engaging intellectually with another human being who happens to already be in a relationship with someone else. In this situation I am not doing a single thing wrong. I'm not even attempting to come between him and a woman I have never even met, or seen, or heard much about other than an offhanded mention of a fiancée. Fine, I admit it, I'm incredibly attracted to him. So what? Back the fuck off. Stop treating me like this is 19th century America. I'm not Hester fucking Prynne, I didn't sleep with a priest and conceive a child out of wedlock. Stop trying to pin a huge scarlet A on my chest. I'm a big girl and I can do what I want and it's really none of your business if what I want is to be friends with someone who shares the same ideas as myself in subjects that hold our mutual interest. Seriously, stop it. Even if you think it's a mistake it's my mistake to make. I'm a big enough girl to get myself into and out of these situations without you trying to make me feel like I've done something wrong.
-The Dormouse
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